Moments turn into Realizations

Okay, so before you get too far into this you need to go read Katie's blog titled Moment... So, go over to the right side of the screen and click on that picture of me and my right hand girl :)



Now that you are filled in on Katie's moment I will educate you on my realization.

Katie is right. We have these emo moments every now and then. This time my emo realization was triggered by Katie's emo moment. I will legally be an adult in 7 months... Yeah, I'll be 18 in SEVEN MONTHS!!!

This cannot be real! I remember chasing Josh on the playground in Kindergarten and telling him how much I hated him. I remember giggling at "silly boys" with Katie. I remember watching my friends eat paste and Push Pops with gummy bugs. I remember when I cried over learning my multiplication tables. I remember when I wanted to marry my daddy and be just like my mommy and take care of my little brother for the rest of my life. I remember when my little brother told me I could be a cook at McDonald's one morning because I made him a bowl of instant grits that were like soup. I miss those moments....

In 7 months I will be an adult... I will be old enough to serve our country in the military, buy cigarettes, get into clubs, and get a tattoo or piercing without parental permission. The crazy part to me is that I am the only person who can actually make these decisions now. People can give me their opinion on all of those matters and everything else I will face in my life but ultimately I am the only person who can MAKE the decisions.

Today I am sitting here stressing over the Rhetorical Analysis paper I have yet to write, the homework I will have to do next week, the ACT that I will take Saturday. I worry about making my friends happy and making my enemies mad. I freak over the smallest things like actually being just like my mommy because I have grown up now and I realize that she isn't perfect and I don't want to be just like her. I think about marrying the love of my life and having babies. I dream about the way it will feel when my child comes to me because he/she has a boo boo and mommy is the only one who can make it better and I fear the day they realize I'm not perfect.

I'm not perfect...
I never will be...
Ever...

but right now all that stuff in the near future is freaking me out.
I am going to graduate HIGH SCHOOL on March 22, 2010...

I have to make a decision. What am I going to do? I have to make a few decisions. It scares me to know that. I am going to have to decide to go to college or not. To get married before college or not. To love someone or leave them in a few years... I wish I could see into the future and decide what will be best in the long run...

Until my next moment,
Britany <3