Indecisive :'(

I just read through all of the blogs I have written. There are blogs to people, about people, and even some inspired by people. I don't remember writing some of them. LOL. That's beside the point. Looking by I am grateful for what I have...and even more upset for what I've lost. While I was looking back at old stuff I found conversations I had with friends, comments friends left me about the blogs inspired by them, and I was forced to remember how I was feeling about that particular person at the time.

I am a very indecisive person!

I do things and change my mind ALL THE TIME!

I dye my hair a new color. Today I like it, tomorrow, it is possible I will hate it.
I go shopping and can't decide to buy something because the price may be too high. Today I want a tattoo, tomorrow I could change my mind and cancel my appointment. Today I like the tattoo I picked out, tomorrow I might call and change it...again. My point is, for those of you who do not personally know me, I can't ever make up my mind. If you do know me, you can testify that I am an extremely hard-headed person! Once I have my mind set on something it takes a whole lot to make me change it. So when I am undoubtedly positive about something it can be dangerous to change my mind.

The one and only thing I have been positive about lately is one thing and that one thing only!!! I AM IN LOVE WITH JOSHUA HOWE ADAMS!

There is no doubt in my mind about it. Yes I did question myself once but I got over it! He didn't give up on me. He never gave up on me!...until now. Right now I am the most confused and lost person in the world. I know why its over for now. I understand that "if its meant to be we will get back together." I also do not know what to do...

Do I just stand back and let things happen on their own. All while I feel like I'm giving up on my best friend and leaving him out in the cold...

OR

Do I continue to try and help, not knowing what is going to happen...not having a single clue what is going to happen and chance the risk of not giving him enough space which could possibly be the end forever.

I have no idea how to deal with this. I honestly think its meant to be. Anything in the world can be fixed with a little bit of TLC and time. I am willing to try to fix anything but sometimes it just can't be fixed without a little bit of help and cooperation.

I honestly don't know what else to say. I think I have tried all of the convincing I can think of. Sadly enough, I'm not even sure it helped at all...
I'd give it all up for a second chance.

I know I sound extremely desperate. I'm in love... and there is not a more painful feeling than to be in love and not have that feeling returned. Love is a crazy thing. One minute you are so happy and so loving you think you're heart will explode. The next minute you are so lost and heart-broken that it physically hurts.
I don't know what to do. I am out of things to say. I don't have a thought left in my whole entire brain on how to make this all better...

Sometimes two people have to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together. The falling apart has happened, I'm hoping the realization is soon to come...
Until next time,
Britany <3