Fireflies and Life Dreams

have a way of making you think about things. I don't know why! Here at my house the fireflies are not seen very often. [sadness] But we went camping this weekend in our new RV and the camp ground had fireflies. It made me think back on the vacations we used to take to Tennessee to see my Grandma and Uncles.

Anyway, while watching the fireflies last night I thought long and hard about everything!

If you ask a young girl what she wants to do when she grows up she will tell you something that could easily be compared to a Cinderella story, give or take a few details. When I was a little girl I just wanted to have a boyfriend. As I got older that progressed to a fiance, then to a husband. Then I decided that I wanted to have children with my husband and have the perfect little life. I wanted to live in a two-story house with a garage and a wrap-around porch. I could picture it in my head! It was perfect. My husband would work and I would take care of the kids until they were old enough to go to school. I would have gone to college before getting married and had an awesome job in a top hospital as the head nurse, where I would quit because I got pregnant and I would return several years later and work my way back up to that position.

Today if you ask me what I want, I don't know!

I did know and I had it all planned out. I realized that no matter how much I plan out it doesn't really matter because that is not what will happen. Things always happen and dreams always fade. Obstacles get in the way and sometimes they can't be overcome. I had my life planned out with my last boyfriend...but all of that crashed down when we broke up.

I know that I want certain things from my life and I always tell my friends they can do ANYTHING if they work hard enough for it.

Next year, I will be a senior in high school. It scares me to think that I am almost grown up. I will be 18 in September. That scares me, too. As of today, at least 3 of my friends are engaged, officially and unofficially. They know what they are going to do with their life and they have somebody to share that with. I have no idea why I feel the need to find someone to share my life with as soon as possible. I don't know when I will meet the man I marry. I don't know if he is one of my best friends today or if he was 5 years ago. That is the scary and strange thing about life. You never know what is going to happen. I feel like I am rambling. I know that the fireflies could hear me...but they can't talk back. I'm still waiting for that person who speaks my language. I want to have an intelligent conversation with them. I don't know who they are but I have the feeling that I will know immediately when I find them.